Dysfunctional bulimia is my problem. I'm big on the bings whether it be with food or alcohol or women but very short on the purge. Who isn't? The bloated economy, the bloated national waitsline. Blame it on the fast food corporations. Sue them. Sue them all! Right?
Jackasses...
The VietNamese call it guan fey - a weakening due to soft living; children raised by TVs and parents trying to be friends instead of authority figures...sellf esteem...self esteem for all!!!...the grass is always greener...$49.95, guaranteed!!!...70% less fat...better...expected to expect the best...someone needed to tell you how to feel...will someone tell me please?...demographics...ahhh...marketing to the nameless, faceless, mass less neutrino yuppie (relatively of course)...Xterra...Xtreme...Gen X...Gas-ex...
The problem is, the only people (the demographic as it were) that can afford these "needs" never use them as depicted. NOt to say that they can EVER be used as depicted - i.e. you can't beat the sh*t out of SUVs or other such products...warranties won't cover it and your HMO probably won't either...
This is why gyms have such great success - pan their bullsh*t en masses to the "summer crowd"..."Get in Shape for the Babes"...Go to the gym once, maybe twice - what a great deal!!! -----for the gym.
But that's expendable cash...just to say you're doing it...living the dream per se...dance lessons for kids, piano, country club, face lift, pubic hair weaves...the best schools, vacations to the Cape...braces...nursing home for the folks...prosthetic rentals...The Good Life!!
AND THEN, there's suddenly an outcry - -stocks down, shareholders scammed! 401K down $110,000! What? An outrage! A guaranteed retirement now owing to dreams of cat food and low income housing...just like the Jones's... the norm...all because some CEO spends millions of other people's dollars for their dreams, selling their souls to the devil and living comfortable on the profits.
It was OK when taxes increased and the lower income classes were proportionally adversely screwed - "Not me", says the yuppie. "Sscrew them. They should earn more, get better jobs, go back to school!" But NOT ME has become THEM - overnight. A new twist on empathy.
Now the yuppie wants to hide his money --running for the hills in SUVs that suck, a weakness that can only be characterized as the New Noble Birthright and a slight tingling in the left arm....
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
CARTWHEEL CHAMPION
A few years ago, Gary was foolish enough to challenge me to a series of feats of strength. He knew I was already the #1 Chair Dancer in the United States, an accomplished street fighter, a poet, and an author (Love Carefully Concealed & Other Random Ironies by John teHaug, available on Amazon). He decided to test my will in cartwheels anyway.
Considering himself an afficianado of said spinning, I reluctantly allowed myself to be dragged into this fancy display. He set a date - we were working in a military Ccommand post in some awful backwoods region of NC. He began training under his hero, Lt. Colonel Jim Murrie. When I arrived at work in BDUs (fatigues) two weeks later, Gary was wearing a costume designed by himself and his mentor. Purple leggings were all the rage back then as were bolo ties but Gary was always a non-conformist. His pink, furry legwarmers dressed over his white hi-top sneakers and a pair of old blue gym shorts blew the crowd away. His upper body bare, with only a pair of Mork and Mindy suspenders stretched over his huge, hairless barrel chest made the crowd of mostly geriatric military folk gasp. As the Crisco glistened off his upper body, people in the crowd let out slight ooohs and ahhhs.
Now I'm not prone to hyperbole, but local tales BEFORE the contest were as follows: Gary was a huge man to say the least, at least 7 feet tall and 500 lbs.....his arms were as thick as tree trunks...with great shocks of red hair, as red as the fires of hell....but he was nice....a nice bloke....I hope he beats that guy, John TeHaug....
Flash to the contest: Suspenders a blaring, a whirling dirvish of excitement from the gathering crowds, one last check of his legwarmers and he was off....and then. He fell. Mortified he tried again and crashed into the wall. All I had to do was ONE cartwheel. But I did not want a disappointed crowd starting a riot...and so...I did several thousand to the applause of the crowd. Gary? Well, he blamed his athletic debacle on an inner ear problem, poor costume fit and a bad pick of music for his program ("We Don't have to take our clothes off" by Jermaine Stewart)...last I heard, he went to West Virginia somewhere.
I miss my friend. I know it's been said that it takes a big man to cry. And an even bigger man to laugh at the man who cries. For Gary, I AM that bigger man!!!
Considering himself an afficianado of said spinning, I reluctantly allowed myself to be dragged into this fancy display. He set a date - we were working in a military Ccommand post in some awful backwoods region of NC. He began training under his hero, Lt. Colonel Jim Murrie. When I arrived at work in BDUs (fatigues) two weeks later, Gary was wearing a costume designed by himself and his mentor. Purple leggings were all the rage back then as were bolo ties but Gary was always a non-conformist. His pink, furry legwarmers dressed over his white hi-top sneakers and a pair of old blue gym shorts blew the crowd away. His upper body bare, with only a pair of Mork and Mindy suspenders stretched over his huge, hairless barrel chest made the crowd of mostly geriatric military folk gasp. As the Crisco glistened off his upper body, people in the crowd let out slight ooohs and ahhhs.
Now I'm not prone to hyperbole, but local tales BEFORE the contest were as follows: Gary was a huge man to say the least, at least 7 feet tall and 500 lbs.....his arms were as thick as tree trunks...with great shocks of red hair, as red as the fires of hell....but he was nice....a nice bloke....I hope he beats that guy, John TeHaug....
Flash to the contest: Suspenders a blaring, a whirling dirvish of excitement from the gathering crowds, one last check of his legwarmers and he was off....and then. He fell. Mortified he tried again and crashed into the wall. All I had to do was ONE cartwheel. But I did not want a disappointed crowd starting a riot...and so...I did several thousand to the applause of the crowd. Gary? Well, he blamed his athletic debacle on an inner ear problem, poor costume fit and a bad pick of music for his program ("We Don't have to take our clothes off" by Jermaine Stewart)...last I heard, he went to West Virginia somewhere.
I miss my friend. I know it's been said that it takes a big man to cry. And an even bigger man to laugh at the man who cries. For Gary, I AM that bigger man!!!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
THE CANVAS
The pic below is what Gary 'used' to look like, many many many years ago. He still hasn't lost all the baby weight from Shayna, so it's doubtful we will see his "muscular canvas" again. If by "muscular canvas", he means his body that is not like steel, then I guess those words are apt.
But even Gary has hope:
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.(Isaiah 40:29)
Good luck, Canvas!!!
But even Gary has hope:
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.(Isaiah 40:29)
Good luck, Canvas!!!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
AHHH, a serious one....
A TRIBUTE: It's been a year
Sherry Laub was born in Buffalo, New York on April 14, 1973 and passed away on November 25, 2006 at the age of 33. We will remember her forever. Sherry was a dynamic person who impacted a lot of lives in her short time here. She will be forever in our hearts and minds and just as she left footprints on this earth she left heartprints in all of us. Meeting her was the beginning of one of the best things to ever happen to me.
I can honestly say it is a rarity to have someone in this world that everyone liked. Sherry truly was one of those people. If you met her, you liked her instantly and if you spent any time with her, you loved her. I feel blessed and lucky to have had her love and support in our time together.
She was diagnosed 20 months ago with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, a very curable form of cancer. This time however, this disease was extremely aggressive and she fought it bravely and without complaint until the end. Mr. Fudge Laub was of great comfort to her throughout and she often snuggled with him on the bottom landing of the staircase of our home. She talked to him about her hopes and fears and how much she loved and cared for him. He provided solace and a listening ear while licking her tears away and giving her many puppy kisses. Most people did not realize how sick she was and how much pain she was in, but her stubbornness that we all loved about her kept her going. She died at peace with family and friends around her and she will be greatly missed. I will miss the everyday things about her, seeing her smile, her laugh, her gentle little way. She was a constant strength, love, and support through a lot of difficult times for a lot of people. Her presence is all around and her little heartprints will stay with me forever. I love her very much.
Ask yourself this: If a person can have this effect, what can God do? Do you have heartprints from God in you?
Sherry Laub was born in Buffalo, New York on April 14, 1973 and passed away on November 25, 2006 at the age of 33. We will remember her forever. Sherry was a dynamic person who impacted a lot of lives in her short time here. She will be forever in our hearts and minds and just as she left footprints on this earth she left heartprints in all of us. Meeting her was the beginning of one of the best things to ever happen to me.
I can honestly say it is a rarity to have someone in this world that everyone liked. Sherry truly was one of those people. If you met her, you liked her instantly and if you spent any time with her, you loved her. I feel blessed and lucky to have had her love and support in our time together.
She was diagnosed 20 months ago with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, a very curable form of cancer. This time however, this disease was extremely aggressive and she fought it bravely and without complaint until the end. Mr. Fudge Laub was of great comfort to her throughout and she often snuggled with him on the bottom landing of the staircase of our home. She talked to him about her hopes and fears and how much she loved and cared for him. He provided solace and a listening ear while licking her tears away and giving her many puppy kisses. Most people did not realize how sick she was and how much pain she was in, but her stubbornness that we all loved about her kept her going. She died at peace with family and friends around her and she will be greatly missed. I will miss the everyday things about her, seeing her smile, her laugh, her gentle little way. She was a constant strength, love, and support through a lot of difficult times for a lot of people. Her presence is all around and her little heartprints will stay with me forever. I love her very much.
Ask yourself this: If a person can have this effect, what can God do? Do you have heartprints from God in you?
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Colon Blow -
A new cereal or a new "cereal" killer? I wonder aloud how Gary is doing on his internal purification diet? I hope his body is angered and he is sitting in traffic one day, on a bridge, after a very strong cup of coffee and two bran muffins. At this moment when he begins to sweat, my image will enetr his mind. He will smile slightly, then cry as his body rejects most of his intestines.
Irony is dust on a vacuum cleaner
Recently a friend of mine, Gary "Bruce Ponti" Fowler, forced me to initiate a BLOG. I conceded and now I offer you a glimpse into the mind of a misunderstood genius. The fact that no one understands that I am a genius makes me such. Or I'm schizophrenic.
Take my poll and we'll see where it goes.
Take my poll and we'll see where it goes.
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